(scroll down for summary notes)

Honestly, I was shocked. Smartphones, social media and co. are a problem, everyone already knows that. I didn't want to read a book that repeated that sentiment over the course of 300 pages. But then came the first chapter.

There are two types of knowing. You know you should be healthy, eat well, work out... But once you really realize and internalize the benefits or downsides, you reach the second type of knowing, where you cannot just describe the taste of an apple as it is written in a lexicon, but you know its taste because you ate it and felt its sour juices on your tongue as you bit into it (you can feel it right now, can you)

Reading The Anxious Generation gifted me that second type of knowing when it comes to, well, how screwed my generation is. Perhaps it was the loving bombardment of statistics or maybe the intentional and deep time spent with the material alongside taking notes, that really pushed me to my moment of "shit, this is real".

Did you know that the percentage of teens who experienced a depressive episode "in the last year" increased by a factor of 2,5x since 2010? Woah. Or that suicides increased by 91% for boys and 167% for girls. Jesus... Or that daily time with friends for 15 to 24-year-olds was reduced by about two-thirds between 2003 and 2019. Seriously? Or, and that one really came as a surprise, that in 2014, 24% of boys watched porn daily, up from 11% in 2004. And on and on...

It makes me sad more than anything else. People just didn't know better. But we do now. One of my favorite quotes from the book was: "It's as if we gave our infants iPads loaded with movies about walking, but the movies are so engrossing that kids never put the time in or the effort to practice walking." "We've created a safe, non-judgmental environment that will leave your child ill-prepared for real life."

During my book club, I was curious and created my own little survey of n=6. I asked five questions:

1. When did you get your first smartphone?

2. When did you first encounter porn (accidentally or on purpose)?

3. How many close friends do you currently have (who you can talk to about anything)?

4. How many daily hours are you on social media?

5. When was your freedom age (when you could roam around and be by yourself)?

The age range was in the early to late 20s and I collected answers anonymously. Here are the average answers:

1. First smartphone at 14,5 (ranging from 13 to 18)

2. First porn at 10,8 (ranging from 6 to 15)

3. On average 3,2 close friends (ranging from 1 to 6)

4. On average 3,1h daily on social media (ranging from 0 to 10)

5. Freedom age at 10,8 (ranging from 6 to 16)

While this isn't fully representative of the whole age range, it offers a glimpse. Personally, I was especially shocked at the porn statistic. From what I could gauge, it usually happened accidentally (like via a pop-up ad on an illegal streaming site). It blows my mind that a 6-year-old could be browsing the internet with a specific and harmless intention, but then be confronted with pornography without their consent or age verification. This is one of the main pillars from the book: we over-supervise children in the real world and under-supervise them in the virtual one. 13-year-olds are not allowed to create an Instagram account, but only need to click a box, saying they are older, to do so anyway. When the author confronted Mark Zuckerberg about exactly that during a 1:1 call with him, he said they were working on that. And they have been in fact working on that... since 2019 (that's when the call took place).

Look, what can I say? This is a mess. And like I wrote in a different blog about smartphones, this is complex. But I hope that with this post and my notes below, I can do my part in raising awareness. Thank you.

Notes from The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt

(PDF Summary)

Introduction

• 40% of US children under 13 have an Instagram account (illegal)

• The frontal cortex (for self-control, delayed gratification, resistance to temptation) is not fully developed until the mid-20s.

• 2009; the like and share buttons are first introduced.

• 2010; front-facing cameras on phones hit the market.

• Connection in the real world is defined by the author by:

  1. embodied physical communities and meetings.

  2. synchronous real-time communication with subtle cues.

  3. one-on-one or one-to-several communication and only one interaction happening simultaneously.

  4. within communities and bonds with high bar for entry and exit, it takes work to build relationships and are not given up on easily.

Foundations for a better childhood

1. no smartphones before high school, age 14.

2. no social media before 16.

3. phone-free schools.

4. more unsupervised play and childhood independence.

Chapter 1

• Since 2010, the %age of teens, that are between 12 and 17, who “had depressive episodes in the last year”, 2,5x

  • boys 5 -> 12%

  • girls 13 -> 30%

• More internalizing disorders and fewer externalizing disorder.

  • internalizing disorder = anxiety, depression, strong symptoms inwardly, often withdrawal from social engagement. (more girls)

  • externalizing disorder = outward response aimed at other people. Difficulty with anger management, violence, excessive risk-taking. (More boys)

• Since 2010, depression among US college students went from 10% to 20% and anxiety from 10% to 25%.

• Anxiety among US age groups shows much higher growth ~ younger groups since 2010.

  • 18-25yo = 139% increase.

  • 26-34yo = 103%.

  • 35-49yo = 52%.

  • 50+ = 8%.

• Definitions:

  • Fear = the emotional response to real or perceived imminent threats.

  • Anxiety = anticipation of future threats.

• 2023; 37% of US college students feels “always” anxious or “most of the time”.

  • 31% half of the time.

  • Only 1/3 feel anxious “less than half of the time” or “never”.

• More girls attempt suicide, but more boys die by it.

• Emergency room visits for self-harm increased 188% for girls and 48% for boys since 2010. (Now ~1 in 200 girls and ~1 in 1,000 boys)

• Suicides:

  • 91% increase in boys, ~ 1 in 30,000.

  • 160% increase in girls, ~ 1 in 50,000.

• 2015; Teens with social media accounts spent, on average, 2 hours on it daily.

  • Teens in general, over 7 hours a day on screen media.

• By 2022, 46% of teens reported being online “almost constantly”, up from 25% in 2015.

Chapter 2

• “It's as if we gave our infants iPads loaded with movies about walking, but the movies are so engrossing that kids never put the time in or the effort to practice walking.”

• The % of students who meet friends outside of school “almost every day” decreased since 1991 from 50% to ~ 30% in 2017.

• 17% of US parents are “often” distracted by phones when spending time with their children, 52% “sometimes”.

• By 2014, ~1/3 of teen girls spent over 20 hours per week on social media.

• Synchronous movement and activities with others builds trust.

• The worst years for social media use when it comes to brain development is:

  • 11-13 for girls

  • 14-15 for boys

  • …due to “permanent” imprinting

• Lack of play and interacting with others, especially in groups, makes it harder for them later on to fully adapt to society.

• People and children look up to prestige even when there's no reason for their prestige other than fame. There used to be a talent to look up to, but now children can look up to people like Kim Kardashian and use her as a role model.

Chapter 3

• Behavioral activation system, BAS, = discover mode

  • positive emotions when opportunities arise.

• Behavioral inhibition system, BIS, =  defend mode

  • stress hormones released and fight or flight.

• Discover versus defend mode.

  • Discover mode. Scan for opportunities, kid in a candy store, think for yourself, “let me grow”.

  • Defend mode. Scan for dangers, scarcity mindset, cling to your team, “keep me safe”.

• Self-reported psychological disorders among US college students rose from ~ 5% to ~ 15% between 2012-2018.

• Anti-fragile = systems that need to struggle in order to reach their full potential

  • like a tree needs wind to be strong and children need bacteria to build their immune system.

• “Parents who try to raise their children in a bubble of satisfaction, protected from frustration, consequences and negative emotions, are blocking the development of competence, self-control, frustration tolerance and emotional self-management.”

• In defend mode, one is likely to learn less, have fewer closer friends, be more anxious and experience more pain from ordinary conversation and conflicts.

• Types of risks and thrills children seek.

  • Height, like climbing a tree.

  • High speed, like swinging and roller skating.

  • Dangerous tools, like hammers and drills.

  • Dangerous elements, like playing with fire.

  • Disappearing, like hiding and getting lost.

  • And rough, tumble play, like wrestling.

• Kids seek these themselves, unless adults stop them. The risk of minor injuries should be a feature in playgrounds. To learn how to not get hurt, handle one's body, and assess their abilities.

• Time parents spend with their kids went down steadily from 1965 to 1995. Then it went up from ~12 hours to 21 hours per week from 1995 to 2007.

• -> More pressure on kids to perform more.

  • Concerted cultivation. Parenting that focuses on pressing the kid to “be“ more.

  • VS… Natural growth parenting. Let kids be kids. Less hand-holding.

• Kids are receiving less autonomy.

• Google's Ngram viewer charts the frequency of words and terms in all published books each year.

• “We've created a safe, non-judgmental environment that will leave your child ill-prepared for real life.”

• 2015; On average, parents say children must be…

  • 10 years old to play unsupervised in their front yard

  • 12 years old to be allowed one hour home alone

  • 14 years old to go unsupervised to a public park

… Answers by parents who themselves were “free” at 6-8 years old

• The mammalian attachment system.

• Step outside comfort zone and explore the world.

• Exploring generates fear and anxiety.

• We reach out for reassurance and safety.

• Secure base like parents.

• Older, wiser person gives safety and advice.

• Repeat

• -> We blocked this system

Chapter 4

• By age 5, the human brain has reached 90% of its size, and has far more neurons than adults.

• Subsequent brain development is not about growth, but selective pruning of neurons and synapses. Only frequently used synapses remain.

• another brain change: myelination = coating of axons of neurons with insulating sheath of a fatty material which makes transmission faster along long-distance connections. (in other words, activities and thought patterns that are often repeated become more efficient and easier to repeat)

• The child brain has a lot of potential, being able to develop in many ways, but lower ability

• the adult brain becomes more efficient but lacks potential the older it gets.

• Universal rites of passages across cultures.

  1. Separation

     • removed from parents and childhood habits.

  2. Transition

     • guided by other adults through challenges.

  3. Re-incorporation

     • welcoming the children as adults into society.

• Modern society lacks these rites of passages, but the instinct remains (like fraternity challenges, gangs, confidence/toughness challenges)

• From 1980 to 2018, ~ 18-year-old US high school students:

• alcohol consumption went from 60% to 68%.

• Work, 68% to 60%.

• Driver's license, ~ 93% to 58%.

• sex, ~ 70% to under 60%.

• Proposed rites of passages.

• Age 6. The age of family responsibility: chores and a small weekly allowance that is contingent upon their performance on chores.

• Age 8. The age of local freedom: Play and hang out with groups without supervision. Local errands with a short walk or bike ride by themselves. Dumb phones for calling a small number of people like parents and siblings.

• Age 10. The age of roaming: More mobility. Basic phone with a few apps without internet as a birthday gift.

• Age 12. The age of apprenticeship: Encouragement to earn own money by doing chores for neighbors or relatives. Spend more time with trusted relatives without their parents. More adult mentors.

• Age 14. The beginning of high school: Working for pay. Joining athletic team. Minimum age for smartphone.

• Age 16. The beginning of internet adulthood: If responsibility in previous step demonstrated. Minimum age for social media account. More independence.

• Age 18. The beginning of legal adulthood.

• Age 21. The full legal adulthood. Buying alcohol and cigarettes, casinos, etc.

Chapter 5

• Repetitive and seemingly in a trance motions like scrolling and swiping come from the wearing smooth of a path in the brain and muscle memory that leads to pleasure, rather than a conscious decision to go towards pleasure. (muscle memory for pleasure, like when we subconsciously tap on an app that is no longer there)

• The four foundational harms of the phone-based childhood.

  • Social deprivation.

  • Sleep deprivation.

  • Attention fragmentation.

  • Addiction.

• In 2009, Facebook introduced the like button and Twitter the retweet.

  • First proper quantification of the success of a post, incentivizing its pursuit. Also push notifications.

• Teens spend 6-8 hours on screen-based leisure activities per day.

• In 1990s, the average teen watched ~ 3 hours of TV.

• “The great rewiring” added 2-3 hours of additional screen-based activities to children. More in lower income families.

• 1/3 of teens are on one major social platform ”almost constantly”.

• 45% of teens use the internet “almost constantly.”

• “The cost of a thing is the amount of life which is required to be exchanged for it immediately or in the long run”. A quote by Henry David Thoreau.

• Daily time with friends by age group from 2003 to 2020.

• 15-24yo from ~ 160 minutes to 40 minutes.

• 25-34yo from ~ 60 minutes to 20 minutes.

• 35-65yo from ~ 40 minutes to 18 minutes.

• Note, there was a sharp decline for all ages in 2020 due to COVID. However, for the age group 15-24, the time decline in 2019 was the same as in 2020. In 2019, the 15-24yo spent 67 minutes.

• Plus, the quality of the time spent together went down due to phones as a distraction. “You are less important than my notification.“

• 62% of children report that their parents are “often” distracted when they try to talk to them. “Cellphone” was the top response for the reason behind the distraction.

• 68% of parents admit they feel “sometimes” or “often” distracted by their phones when spending time with their kids. Higher for younger and college-educated parents.

• Sleep deprivation can lead to weight gain and immune suppression. Pre-teens need 9+ hours, teens 8+ hours.

• Teens who get less than 7 hours of sleep most nights from 1991 to 2019 ~ 30% to ~ 45%.

  • girls 50%

  • boys 40%.

• The average notifications on young people's phones is 192 = ~ 1 per 5 minutes during waking hours.

• Cognitive ability declines even if a phone is on silent next to you.

• The positives of social media. Teenager self-report:

• 58% say they feel more accepted.

• 71% have this as a creative outlet.

• 80% are more in touch with friends.

Chapter 6

• Chance of depression rises dramatically when over 2 hours of social media per day. Girls significantly more.

  • Practically every minute of social media increases the likelihood of depression for girls (could be correlational).

• 2017; ~ 12% of US high school girls and ~ 6% of boys spend over 40 hours per week on social media.

• Four reasons girls are more affected.

• More affected by visual, social comparison and perfectionism.

• Girls' aggression is more relational (like social sabotage).

• Girls more easily share emotions and disorders.

• More subject to predation and harassment.

• High school students being satisfied with themselves from 2020 to 2019: ~ 70% to ~ 60%.

• Indirect aggression = damaging other people's relationships or reputations, among other things. More relevant for girls.

• 2011 to 2019, 1 in 10 boys and 1 in 5 girls experienced cyberbullying each year.

• When a woman becomes depressed, the odds of depression in her close friends, male and female, increase by 142%.

  • No effect when a man becomes depressed. (they talk less about it)

• Many teens believe they have an illness or gender dysphoria after seeing videos online, even with no real symptoms.

• 1997 to 2019, US students ”feeling lonely a lot of times.”:

• Girls: from ~ 30% to ~ 40%

• boys ~ 20% to ~ 28%.

• “Usually have a few friends”:  

  • boys 75% to ~ 60%

  • girls 80% to ~ 65%.

Chapter 7

• ~ 18yo agreeing with “People like me don't have much of a chance of a successful life.” From 1979 to 2019;

• boys: 7% to ~ 13% (a slow rise)

• Girls: 5% to 10% (fast rise after 2010)

• In 1972, 42% of newly issued bachelor's degrees were by women and 58% by men.

• In 2019, 41% by men and 59% by women. (More even in wealthier family and more difference in poorer.)

• Possible reasons for the decline of boys.

• ·        Online video games where they were the hero

• ·        less free play allowed plus less risk

• ·        porn

• 2018; 27% of men and 17% of women in the late 20s live with their parents.

• N.E.E.T. = people aged 16 to 24 who are Not in Education, Employment, and Training.

• In Japan it's called hikikomori = “pulling inwards”. Young people who live like hermits locked in their room. They are anxious about the real world so they stay inside which makes them even more incompetent to face the real world, fueling the cycle.

• Hospital admissions for unintentional injuries sank from 15,000 per 100,000 ages 10 to 19 and 20 to 29 to 7,500 from 2000 to 2018. For boys, less risky activity dropped for girls only after 2012.

• In 2004, 11% of boys watched porn daily. In 2014, 24%.

• After watching porn, men find real women less attractive, including their partner.

• Study: Decrease in depression symptoms when playing 30 minutes of video games three times a week.

• Researchers are divided on whether gaming addiction is its own disorder or if the behaviors are indicative of underlying disorders like depression or anxiety.

• In 2016, of adult gamers:

  2018. 1 to 2% are addicted

  2019. 7% problematic

  2020. 87% casual.

• 7% of adolescent boys have internet gaming disorder, 1% of girls.

• In 2019, 41% of adolescent boys play 2+ hours daily video games, 17% 4+ hours. Not bad per se, but it's time not doing other things like socializing, sleep, exercise, studying and so on.

• 2000; 28% of boys felt lonely often.

• 2019. 35%.

• 1990s. 3% of US men had no close friends.

• 2021. 15%.

• “Someone you talked to within the last 6 months about an important personal matter.” -> 28% of young men said no.

• ~ 18yo, “life often feels meaningless”: 1990-2018. 15 -> 20%.

Chapter 8

• Spiritual practices without religion.

  1. Shared sacredness

     • like digital sabbath with family or consistent community traditions.

  2. Embodiment

     • shared eating, live concerts, sports, tai chi, gym with partner, collective physical movement.

  3. Stillness, silence, focus.

     • Practice silence in the company of equally silent companions. Meditation retreats, reading, study group, road trips.

  4. Transcending the self.

     • Feeling part of a community and an ecosystem. (Social media is more about you and comparison.) Prayer, meditation, mindfulness, psychedelics. Seek awe, like during a hike.

  5. Be slow to anger, quick to forgive.

  6. Find awe in nature.

     • Experience walks in nature or a park without a phone and look at your surroundings. Humans have an innate drive to be among other forms of life. Many who see a beautiful scenery have as their first reaction to take a photo rather than letting them be open to the moment.

• Slow down, reduce stimulations.

Chapter 9

• Ways to go against the collective problem of early smartphone use.

  1. Voluntary coordination.

     • Parents sign a pledge to not give their kids smartphones until a certain age, if at least 10 other families do the same in their school so the kids have a community.

  2. Social norms and normalization.

  3. Technological solutions.

     • Verification methods, better basic phones to reduce pressure from smartphones.

  4. Laws and rules.

     • Require social media companies to verify age.

     • Giving independence to a child is not neglect.

     • Schools requiring all students to keep their phones in lockers.

Chapter 10

• What companies or governments should do.

  1. Make privacy the standard, including private accounts, data like geolocation.

  2. Raise the age of internet adulthood to 16, the age of which minors can enter into contract with a company and use its products, like creating an account.

  3. Facilitate age verification.

  4. Encourage phone-free schools.

  5. Stop punishing parents for giving children real-world freedom.

  6. Encourage more play in schools.

  7. Design and zone public space with children in mind.

  8. More vocational education, apprenticeships, youth development programs.

Download PDF summary