Have you ever asked yourself, why even try? Why bother, if somebody else has done it before, better, faster and with seemingly more ease than you ever could? Some are born with natural talent, others happen to be at the right place at the right time or make that one crucial connection that changes everything.

And then there’s you. Born into ordinary circumstances, never getting a chance to prove yourself and for some reason always feeling as step behind.

How is it, that some just naturally attract the right people and opportunities while you sit there with so much to give and so much to tell, but no one willing to listen. You, are not alone.

But what can one do? After all, there will always be those on one end of the statistic and the ones on the other. But accepting that cannot just be the answer. Why should they have it good and you’re left with the scraps? It’s unfair, isn’t it?

If you’re asking yourself these types of questions, you need to ask yourself something else: Would you rather be right, or effective? Imagine driving on a road and you see a car speeding straight towards you. You might have the right of way, but would you really keep driving just to prove it? In life, being right doesn’t always protect you.

You are right to be angry, by the way. Life is unfair. You should have this; this shouldn’t have happened to you. Why me? Why not me? There’s an endless rabbit hole of questions like these and you are right to hate the answers.

But you’ve got to wonder… How will these questions, these negative emotions, affect you? How will they serve you? After all, letting the car crash into you will wreck your car as well.

You can say that life is unfair. You can be angry and jealous. But being mad that you weren’t born with a pretty face will only make you uglier. Feeling too short, too tall, too poor will do nothing but define you by those attributes and solidify your status within this self-fulfilling identity you chose.

This is not easily overcome. A bad habit is hard to break and a good one almost impossible to form, especially as your neural pathways deepen. But, you can change your internal programming, it is possible. The first step is acknowledging those “below you”. I’m 175cm tall. Only slightly below average. Yet enough for me in the past to make me insecure, jealous of tall guys and convinced they get respect by their mere presence. It became an easy excuse. They have it and I don’t. Reading statistics about tall people being more successful didn’t help my self-esteem either.

But then, there are people like Kevin Hart. Quite small for a guy, yet charming and successful. Forget celebrities though, you can always cherry-pick them. Think of someone shorter than you. Did you ever look at them and think, “I won’t take them seriously because they are such a cute little creature”? Probably not. So if you wouldn’t treat someone worse for something they lack, why would you see yourself that way and use it as an excuse for not being where you’d like to be? And yes, some people belittle, but that stems from their own insecurities. Most people treat others equally despite their flaws. Even the word flaw isn’t fitting. Because when people treat you the same with or without it, then it is only a weakness in your eyes. The people who matter already accept you as you are. When will you?

But then you might say, okay, that sounds good in theory, but studies show that attractive, tall, rich and strong people are treated better. What do you have to say about that? Well, the same as in the beginning. You are right. It’s true. But again: Would you rather be right or effective?

Let’s assume you’ll never have any of these advantages. You’ll never look like Brad Pitt or Gal Gadot, never reach financial freedom or be as strong as Arnold Schwarzenegger at his peak. Statistically, you won’t. After all, the average stays the average. So what does that leave you? In a way, you actually have an advantage that they’ll never have. Because whatever you lack, it forces you to compensate. You weren’t born with natural charms? Then how could you learn it? No pretty face? What else makes a person attractive? You have no connections or financial backing? Who are the people you need to meet, the events you need to attend and most importantly, what are the skills and education you need to acquire for it to be unreasonable to not find what you’re looking for? And lastly, your height is a hindrance? What else captivates people that earns respect?

Whatever it is, how can you make up for it, so your self-defined weakness becomes irrelevant? Who do you think will get more respect? The personal trainer who has always been skinny? Or the one who struggled with his weight all their life, but found a way through it and now wants to help others. You’ll never be like the people you look up to, but they will also never be like you.

Of course, you will have to take responsibility. You can choose to remain angry and pissed off that you aren’t like the people you are jealous of, but in the end, where will this get you? I believe once you realise that, you can never go back to your old thinking. Sure, you might still choose the lazy route and do nothing to change your circumstances, but you’ll always know in the back of your mind that where you are is your responsibility and the anger you feel will get you nowhere - even if you are right.

As I am progressing through my 20s, I realise this is one of the milestones of becoming an adult. And I do have to admit that while I am aware of this, I am not 100% there yet. I do get angry and jealous sometimes, but I realise now that these emotions have nothing to do with any specific person other than myself. After all, why should somebody who won the lottery of life feel guilty about it? Their soul was born into their body and environment just as you were in yours. We can also look at it from another perspective: Should you feel guilty for being born into your life while someone who has it much worse was born into theirs?

In the end, all any of us can do is work with what we have and let that be our measure of success. Use your weaknesses. Be kind to yourself. And remember: Whoever you become, whatever you do, when you take your final breaths, all this negativity will seem rather silly in the end.